Gender Sexing
7.04.2005Daily Dose of Queer offers the following conversation about changing gender and changing sexual orientation.
Do you think you would still hold the same sexual orientation if you were born the opposite sex? I was having one of those If I could be a man for a day conversations not so long ago and after wondering How would I get women to sleep with me as a man? for while I realized that thought wasn’t even so thrilling. I don’t think I’d want to have sex with women as a man. Yea, I’m curious about how it feels on the other side, and given the chance I’d want to find out, but I’d be way more excited to sleep with men as a man. Because, I am finally beginning to realize, it’s not all about women for me. I don’t love all women. I actually loathe a lot of them. It’s not about women. It’s about sameness. It’s about having an insight into how my lovers feel. It’s about the comfort where we overlap. That wouldn’t exist anymore with women if I was a man. And without it, I not so sure my desire for women would either.
This backs up my straight men are aliens to me thinking perfectly. Gay men, at least, share queerness with me.
Before I changed my gender I was a lesbian. Now that I am man, I am heterosexual, or an alien in your parlance. Having sex with women as a man was so profoundly important to me that I suppressed that need. I did not know I wanted to have sex with women as a man, until I started having sex with bisexual women.
I experienced a qualitative difference as a man having sex with bisexual women than with lesbians, even lesbians who wanted to date transmen. Bisexual women like some men and like fucking some men,too. Lesbian seemed to struggle with the implications for their sexual orientation when they slept with me.
In the end I’m a straight transsexual man. Sleeping with out bisexual women makes us both pretty darn freaky.
And these days I believe freaky is way beyond queer. Queer is about labels. Freaky is about experiences.