Self-Organizing Man

 Psychology Today latest issue is more of the same, old kindler, gentler misogyny.

The Summary:

“Man is no longer king of his domain. He’s now supposed to be an equal partner — and a good listener, too. Blindsided by the escalating emotional demands of marriage, guys wonder how love became a no-win proposition.”

The initial and fundamental premise Sean Elder’s article is mind-numbing:  men are structurally incapable of being equal partners and good listeners.  In Elder’s (and presumable PT’s) world, men are slugs, literally.

Slug Man is not capable of responsibility, maturity, anything really. 

Why?  Well, you see, Women have good modern role models - their mothers and grandmothers.  But Slug Men don’t know where to go for mentoring.  Susan Faludi brought this fact to our attention in her groundbreaking book Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man.  Faludi looked to other men doing the difficult (I say difficult because so much of masculinity is about violence and domination) work of redefining masculinity in positive ways as the solution.

Elder, on the other hand, falls back on Mr. Misogyny as the reason for Slug Man’s inability to be mature and behave like an adult.

“Women have so many dramatically different options in their lives. But where are men taking their cues about what it means to be a husband or a father? There is much less discussion in our society about that.”

The guidelines for being a good husband used to be simple: provide, protect, maybe trim the hedges now and then. Now wives still want all that in a mate — and more. Today’s wife wants a confidante and soul mate as well.

The requirements changed with no warning, and many husbands feel blindsided. Most men were raised with the idea that making it in the outside world is how you score points at home. For many women that also still holds true.

It’s not as though they (women) want men to be less goal-oriented or less interested in money. They’re asking for a breadwinner and a best friend. (emphasis mine)

Slug Men also have dramatically different options, but I guess they’re too cowardly to option them.  Better, though, to blame women for Slug Man’s fear.  She’s just a Vapid Bitch, anyway, right?

“What’s so ludicrous about windsurfing?” asks Real [a Slug Man expert]. “It’s effete — which is another way of saying it’s feminine.” Yet guys are forced to contend with such inane stereotypes. (Have you ever tried windsurfing? It’s about as easy as riding a shark.)

Worst of all, women are often complicit in the stereotyping. If a single woman goes to a party, says Farrell [another Slug Man expert], her friends don’t push her toward the sensitive schoolteacher — they urge her to chat up the banker. “People don’t say, ‘Look at that man, he’s really listening to a woman, asking her questions and drawing her out,’” says Farrell. “You don’t get introductions like that, even though you would be introducing the woman to the type of man who would be a wonderful husband and father. Instead the host will say, ‘That fellow is an intern at Mt. Sinai Hospital.’”

Blah, blah, blah, blah.  Nothing new here, Elder.  Slug Men get to blame those Vapid Bitchs for all.  “See I’m sensitive but they don’t like it! Boo - hoo.”  No, women don’t like Slug Men because they are WHINERS and make it ALL ABOUT THEM.  Plus they can’t keep a hard-on and be emotionally intimate at the same time, but I digress.

Slug Men relate to a word, “Man,” some fake notion of masculinity existing in Leave it to Beaver episodes and blubber when women, saddled with the kids, the job, and the entire marriage, ask them to pony up.

To Slug Men and Elder and Psychology Today, I say:

Get a fucking life!  Your problems are not the fault of women (even those Vapid Bitchs) expecting too much from you.  Your problem is that you expect too damn little from yourself.