Exhaling….
7.09.2005Over this past week I have held my breath, in shock, disbelief, anger, sadness.
The Divine Ms. H and I visted New Orleans from December 26 to January 2, 2005. Between eating and strolling and eating some more, we watched the aftermath of the tsunami unfold. Shocking but distant.
So distant, in fact, that the lovely Ms. H and I, independently of each other, sought out job boards of various universities in NO. The Big Easy seemed like a place we might move to.
No more. Without a history there, I have no interest in revisiting another hurricane / governmental aftermath as a resident.
But I grieved this loss of something that never happened and struggled to contain my rage. Us, them, Bush, the Democrats, myself, everyone came under fire.
The rage bumped up against a tiny voice in my head that kept saying, "you know better."
And the knowing better takes the form of dependent origination. A Buddhist concept, dependent origination states that nothing can be known or understood alone. Thus, a flower is also the sunshine and nutrients, the absence of certain colors, the presence of others, water, air and so on.
The aftermath of Katrina cannot be understood as simply the ineptitude of the federal government. Also at work: my expectations of how things should have gone, structural poverty, the concept and practice of construction (without construction, destruction cannot exist); the creation of flood barriers along the Mississippi, which reduced the amount of silt flowing through the river; thus destroying wetlands - natural flood inhibitors; the practice of building communities in flood plains and below sea level; the media construction of disaster and race; my dependence of gasoline; my willingness to ignore systemic poverty until forced to do otherwise; fingerpointing and blaming; and emotions like fear and vulnerability.
In the center of that vulnerability I struggled to stay put. I read my favorite blogs and found most involved in the blaming. For me, and I cannot speak for them, I blame when I feel terrified and afraid. Holding people accountable feels and looks very different than blaming.
Compassion holds little value for the left. As I have internalized left values, any concession to the Other’s humanity puts a person in a suspect position. "Either you are with us or against us." All or nothing.
My yoga teacher reminds me that yoga is my practice. Where I am today isn’t where I was yesterday nor where I will be tomorrow. "Always practice with compassion. If you can’t breath in a pose, get out of it."
So I ask my friends on the left, can any of us really breath as we debase Bush? I can’t. And more than anthing I want to exhale. Perhaps I am fool for believing we are better than name-calling and finger-pointing. And worse, I’m probably really namby-pamby for believing in focusing on the positive.
Imagine, then, my delight when I read the following words from Sue Cline over at the Authentic Eccentric:
37 million Americans living in poverty is no longer a “fringe” issue. It cuts to the core of our ability to remain competitive as a nation and puts our future in serious jeopardy.
At the same time, this is still America, and I still believe that we can fix almost anything if we choose to - the trouble is getting through the noise into actionable, reasonable actions. It means a national adjustment of consciousness, from accepting mediocrity to demanding meritocracy, not only from our elected leadership but ourselves, as well.
Thank you, Sue. For your words and your willingness to move into a pose of grace and compassion and accountability and real leadership, I am grateful.
May all beings be happy.