Archive for October, 2005
Monday, October 31st, 2005
[1]
(Note: Which is why I hate spammers....)
I've posted the mission statement and keys to success for Homofactus Press [2].
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/business-purpose.JPG
[2] http://www.homofactuspress.com/
Posted in Anti Assclownery | Comments Off
Friday, October 28th, 2005
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Alas, I know I should care more about these label wars. After all, on the U.S. left, we trade in radicalness. No one wants to be average or ordinary or, gasp, normal.
The whole thing borders on ridiculous, though. Radicalness derived from labels?
Hardly. Radicalness derives from actions. Continually.
What wows me about the whole transgender/transsexual divide: ten years ago, when the modern trans movements began emerging, we used the argument that everyone is transgender.
You know, because transsexuals were way too out there for most gays and lesbians and transgender described people who were neither cross-dressers nor transsexual. (In fact the term itself, I believe, was coined by Dr. Virginia Prince, who worked for Harry Benjamin.)
Radical is as radical does.
[Note: I can't even get excited [2] anymore when certain gay men use certain gay publications to state that transsexuals and transgenders should be more subtle. And I really can't get excited by the reactions to said editorials when transsexual folks claim we all have the same issues......am I the only one who thinks the name change and birth certificate changes allowed by some states can be overchanged/not recognized by certain wack-jobs?]
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/performativity.JPG
[2] http://www.jenburke.com/2005/10/24/reaction-to-chris-crain/
Posted in Anti Assclownery | 2 Comments »
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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Homofactus Press is now an officially registered domain. Check back regularly at www.homofactuspress.com [2] for updates and evolutions.
More later.
The
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/mighty.JPG
[2] http://www.homofactuspress.com/
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
I had a rather ugly argument with my family recently after both my father and my sister used my legal name and refused to understand how unpleasant I found that. That, and the question of whether I should insist in writing that midwives at my confinement call me "Nick", have set me to thinking about names and identity.Most of my cisgendered friends cannot see what the big deal is. So my family call me by the wrong name? They don't mean anything by it. As for wanting to be called Nick in the delivery room, one friend suggested that I would have far more to worry about than mere names.My trans and trans-aware friends, of course, can see the big deal. So much so that I feel guilty at the way I explained the problem to them. I referred to my legal name as "my girl name", and with that choice of words implied that the acceptance I'm looking for, the acceptance that my family are deliberately or accidentally withholding, is of my male identity.Like so much in life, it's more complicated than that. My legal name, to me, represents a person I no longer believe exists, but it wouldn't be accurate to say that she was female and I'm male. She was reticent about expressing her male side because she feared it would alienate people she cared about; I claim my male identity with pride and reason that although I may care about those I alienate, they possibly don't care about me. But the distinction doesn't just exist for gender.
Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
I just learned about and signed up for something that sounds really fun, and yet somewhat ominous. NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. The basics are that between midnight the morning of Nov. 1st and midnight the night of Nov. 30th, you attempt to write a 50,000 word novel. That's roughly 1,700 words a day. If you succeed, you get a certificate and a first draft of your own novel. If you don't make the 50,000, you are that much closer to finishing your first novel anyway!You can sign up and learn more at www.nanowrimo.com [1]. This will be an adventure for me. I hope some of you writers out there will join us crazy ones at a one month attempt at major writing discipline! Keep us posted!
[1] http://www.nanowrimo.com/
Posted in Writing | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
My father and his husband live in Key West, Florida. They own and operate Island House [1], a small hotel for men (mostly gay and bi men.)Yesterday I received word that storm surges had flooded the ground level hotel rooms with six inches of water. A few hotel guests, staff and some folks living on boats riding out the storm in the hotel, along with my Dad and Martin, hustled through the rooms, grabbed soft furniture and computers and elevated them to safety.When I called my Dad about 11:30 a.m., the water hadn't receded. "I think the damage might be really bad," he said. The Divine Ms. H. and I shifted into action mode. We began making plans to fly down there to assist in the presumed massive clean-up. Even my mother-in-law offered to fly down!All day I wanted to be out of my desk job. Forever.Natural calamities slice me down to the bone and reveal what is needed. Life is very, very, very, very short. In a matter of hours, or seconds, all my father and Martin had worked for drowned under six inches of water.Everything that rises, falls away. But it sure hurts when what falls away hurts my loved ones. Happily when I spoke again with my father last night at 7:00 pm, the waters receded, leaving little visible damage. "I think a massive housecleaning effort is all we need."And just like that, everything seemed okay again. We chatted a bit longer and I made my Dad laugh.The only somber note: Fantasy Fest, Key West's version of Mardi Gras, may suffer reduced numbers of revelers this year. But then again, maybe not. A party may be just what people need to relieve what has been a stressful few days and a worrying hurricane season.I pondered much during the hours between the two phone calls with my father. I have one life to live that I know about. No excuses or stories will change that for me. So it is up to me to use the remaining years I have how I want to use them.It is my responsibility alone. In the end, if I die happy, it is because I have made a committment to lead a happy life. Secure in the knowledge that everything I know, love and care about will suffer, decay, die and pass away, I vow to live each day as though a fire raged in my hair.
[1] http://www.islandhousekeywest.com/
Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Monday, October 24th, 2005
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I have decided that notions of a pure politics ~ where we exist free of the "man" (as defined individually) ~ doesn't exist in America.
My federal tax dollars take the form of bullets that end up in the skulls of babies and children. Buying gasoline supports the use of slave labor. So does buying chocolate. Whole Foods does not support bargaining efforts of the United Farm Workers.
In America our hands can never be clean. Notions of being better than the Right because I eat tofu or drive a fuel efficient car don't hold up against the suffering I generate through the simple acts of buying things or paying taxes.
So I have had to swallow gobs and gobs of sanctimony. While I believe my beliefs lead to greater justice, I balance those choices with the suffering other choices inflict. Or try to anyway.
Marketers still get to me. My footprint is still large ~ too large (like we'd need 3 1/2 to 4 earths to support my lifestyle for everyone).
But now I'm grateful for humility, the ability to discern wants from needs and the wisdom to know the difference.
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/dg.JPG
Posted in Anti Assclownery, Queer, Truth | Comments Off
Friday, October 21st, 2005
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When I look at Jack, my cat and inspiration for Catnip Cat, he reminds me, in the words of Jennifer Gee that while:
he may be crabby, but at least the shitty taste in his mouth isn't someone else's... :0
I think about that taste as I envision my new life, a protirement where I will pursue yoga, travel, family, friends, blogging and Homofactus Press. Maybe even a speaking gig every now and then.
I don't know how it will all work or where money will come from, but I know that it will. And I know that the difficult choices I know I will have to make will be mine to make.
As someone who does not function well in formally structured business environments (I get high marks on my performance evaluations. I just find the whole thing stressful), I look forward to being my own boss.
Which leads me back to Jack/Catnip Cat. I fantasize about a mythic time when all queers work for themselves and aren't faced with the difficult compromises so many of us make to keep our healthcare benefits or stay in our communities of origin.
I'm very grateful for the opportunities that are unfolding for me and for the people - family and friends - who are bringing them to me.
I feel tremendous responsibility to my people as I begin to embark on a journey of cultural making and community building. I stand on the shoulders of many before me. People struggling and fighting to make our communities stronger.
They lived the Catnip Cat ethos: Try, to the best of your ability, to make the only arse you lick, your own.
Then, make 'em fork over the 'nip!
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/arselicker.JPG
Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
Deep sigh. Get me another drink. Wait, I don't drink. Okay, back to the deep sighs.I went out for dinner and (non)drinks tonight with a couple friends. The conversation was all over the place. At one point, we were talking about another friend of ours, a bisexual woman, who is on vacation this week. I knew she was out with a "friend", but didn't know the gender. A heterosexual woman with us said it was a him. I told her I didn't really care, but I thought it was kind of cool that our friend was gender nonspecific in her discussions about her "friend". My hetero friend didn't get it. I skipped past that part of the conversation and said, "And I think it's really cool that they aren't getting married because not everyone can." That did it. The words came out of her mouth."That's so politically correct"Deep sigh.
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
[1]
My pal Az at going somewhere [2] has a great post [3] about the failure of nationalistic metaphors to describe transsexual experiences.
The value of his efforts recently came home to me. A non-trans friend and I discussed acceptable metaphors and stories that she as an African-American lesbian and I as a white transsexual man can say to our communities and the world at large.
We both agreed it unacceptable in a collective sense to say to our communities and the world, "I changed my gender (or became a lesbian) because I wanted to. I chose it."
Talk about cognitive dissonance. When I have told people I chose to change my gender their faces cloud over. My answer must not have been a box on their transsexual checklist.
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/conformity.JPG
[2] http://goingsomewhere.blogsome.com/
[3] http://goingsomewhere.blogsome.com/2005/10/09/why-genders-arent-like-nations-part-ten-million/
Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments »
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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I should know by now not to eat beans before yoga practice. But I tempted fate and ate them yesterday, before class.
The gut rolled around as I clenched my buttocks and attempted to stifle the Bronx Cheer threatening to expel itself.
But practice being what it is, I forgot to continue to squeeze my butt checks.
Then I moved from down dog to child's pose. As I layed my bum onto my heels a very proud air biscuit announced itself.
Not once. But twice I let Polly out of jail. "Free at last," they shouted upon their release.
Mortification washed over me twice as I rose back up into down dog.
The teacher kept teaching. And I kept breathing.
Cheesy new agey mumbo jumbo never talks about the radical acceptance of farts. Not a good workshop topic: "Piffling in a Crowded, Hot Room While Aspiring to be One With the Breath."
The left doesn't talk about farts, either (I can't speak about the right, though they seem uptight to me. Maybe they might benefit from letting it rip ever now and then....)
We are an uptight culture with twisted, distended guts. While we argue Marx and Queery Theory, we hold it all in. So farting, I think, in public, at least in the yoga room, suggests a greater degree of relaxtion and self-acceptance. If I can't accept my animal nature, why bother trying to change the world?
Still I won't be eating beans before class anymore (no really! I won't...). I might think my farts indicate my evolved nature, I have to consider the lady next to me and the potential toxic nature of my matchlighters.
Ahimsa, after all, is a foundation of yoga. ;-)
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/acceptance.JPG
Posted in Anti Assclownery, Queer | 5 Comments »
Monday, October 17th, 2005
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[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/picasso.JPG
Posted in Queer | Comments Off
Friday, October 14th, 2005
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Over the last two days, the Divine Ms. H and I have had the pleasure of Anna Camilleri's [2] company.
We chatted and shared stories and much affection and talked of many things.
One thing we all agreed on:
The last, and perhaps worst, victory of the oppressor culminates when we concede to them our right to tell our stories.
No matter what happens to us, no matter the legislation they pass, the rights they take away, the physical harm the inflict upon us, we must always communicate our truth.
We cannot buy what they are selling. Ever. No matter how tasty or pleasurable or real their stories seem, they can never be our stories. We can never let them control our minds.
Even if they kill us, we can, with our last thoughts, leave an intention for good and righteousness in the world.
Stay strong and keep sharing your stories, in whatever way you can, wherever you can, whether anyone listens or not.
Our lives and future depend on it.
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/cheap.bmp
[2] http://www.annacamilleri.com/
Posted in Anti Assclownery, Queer, Truth | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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(For Anna Camilleri [2] and Maria at Daily Dose of Queer [3])
[Update: For Ona Marae, too. And all the nelly, faggy, poofter, limp-wristed, femme, super feminine bois, trannies, and men out there.
Until we stop worshipping the cock in all its forms, we f-u-c-k ourselves in all ways orificial and spiritual.
Easy to say. Hard to do, I know. But we know we have to do it and we know what we have to do.
Oh, and comment me some other femmes you love!
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/get-it-right.JPG
[2] http://www.annacamilleri.com/
[3] http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2005/10/09/sometimes-i-annoy-even-myself-with-how-complicated-my-desires-are/
Posted in Queer | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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Peterson Toscano [2], fabulous theatrical performance activist, shared with me his thoughts about emboding a conservative ex-gay ministry kind of masculinity or how to not act like a fag, and how acting British gets you better customer service. His words remind me of how much I had to retrain my body to look and act (naturally) more masculine and straight. Especially during my early years on hormones, when I got read not as woman or lesbian but as fucking faggot.
During the beginning portion of my 17 years enduring "ex-gay" therapy, I received specific training on my voice inflection. Throughout high school my voice, although baritone, I inflected up the ends of my sentences. I was told that this was too feminine sounding and needed to sound more sure of myself, more masculine.
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/i-lost-buddha.JPG
[2] http://www.petersontoscano.com/
Posted in Anti Assclownery, Man, Queer, Religion | 2 Comments »
