Bothand Can Be More Challenging Than We Like
March 10, 2006 – 11:51 amLast year an internet pal emailed me that an FtM had been arrested in Texas for murdering his wife.
Terry Michael Dalton had, indeed, murdered his wife. [Link.] (If any of my Texas readers know more about Terry’s current situation please email me.)
What interested me then, and now, is Terry’s proximity to me. He is FtM. So am I. Presumably he had an violent temper. I have struggled with the same behavior.
Terry seems somehow a shadow for me. Like how I might have become save for small choices that added up to a different direction.
Terry is an easy target. Guess that makes me one, too. What this means, I don’t know, other than to say that tolerance, in its most difficult execution, kicks my ass. How to both deplore Terry’s actions and not demonize him.
In the end, I think, Texas will fry his transsexual ass. Eletrocute him. Or drug him to death. Or hang him. Whatever they do down there in the lone star to deter, what? Violence. Hardly. My grandfather was murdered. Guess that means Terry and I have another thing in common.
From experience I can tell you the death penalty does not work. Drugging my grandfather’s murderer to death, or zapping him, or hanging him, won’t bring my grandfather back. And frankly, if that murderer had been sentenced to death [he was sentenced to life in prison], my preference is to kill the man myself. Why should some nameless, faceless prison guard do it? At least I have some vested, family interest in maybe wanting the guy dead.
But since I won’t kill the man who murdered my grandfather, I don’t think the state should either.
For me I’m grateful to fate or the goddess or Life or my Higher self for maybe nudging me in a different direction. Else, Terry might be blogging about me.
11 Responses to “Bothand Can Be More Challenging Than We Like”
There but for the grace of God I would have killed somebody? I’m not sure I understand.
By piny on Mar 10, 2006
Pretty much….
By jay sennett on Mar 10, 2006
Okay, then I really don’t understand.
By piny on Mar 10, 2006
I find it difficult to put into words the depth of violence I used to act out in my twenties. Words and deeds, perpetrated upon myself and others.
Words like temper and angry, or angry temper, miss the despair and rage and omniselfabsorption that contextualized my actions.
No pity here, mind you. I’m simply owning where I was, my past, and how close I feel to someone like Terry.
My action should and could not ever be condoned. What saved me, I think, were the countless numbers of people who peered into my eyes, encountered all of who I was in my totality, and said, “yes. And you can make different choices.”
Claiming an affinity/understanding/awareness with Terry reminds me that I am not any different from Terry.
Yes, I made very different choices. But, within my life, the potential, and sometimes, the very real consequences of my violence remain.
By jay sennett on Mar 10, 2006
It never fails to sadden me to see that violence and anger are somehow seen by the great unwashed as an unfortunate, albeit natural, facet of their collective definition of “male” behaviors. WTF?? Like it should be some foregone conclusion that because at one point in human protohistory males were predominately hunters and females caretakers, that this should evolutionarily predetermine how a man should/could/would respond to stressors today? Not buying it.
Would that more of us were comfortable owning our pasts and our imperfections, Jay - our society might be more compassionate.
By Jennifer Gee on Mar 10, 2006
terry is NOT a violent person. He is a good person with people saying things that absolutely DO NOT know what in the hell they are saying. This was not an intentional murder it was an attempt to save onesself, warding off an attacker that turned deadly. It was not intentional. Please refrain from writing about situations you know nothing about the details of this and I am not at liberty to discuss such details. Just know that terry is not violent and has no violent temper.
By Beth on Mar 20, 2006
I want to reiterate what has been said here, Michael is not a violent person. He is a vegan, animal rights activist, methadone and HIV counselor, has worked with deaf children and the mentally retarded. I was personally in a four year relationship with him and was never ever in fear for my safety. We did not even have screaming fights. He doesn’t even slam doors. None of you that don’t know him can possibly know what we (his family) are going through and i would like to ask you all to mind your own business and if you are not, at least don’t post your ignorant assumptions here. thanks
By jenna on Sep 22, 2006
thank you jenna. it just brings me to tears everytime i see something written about michael that is obviously so misinformed. how do people justify making assumptions and publically smearing anyone that they know so little about? i love michael so much that i have personally given up my free time to fight for his rights. cruel and unusual punishment does not even describe what i think gatesville is putting mike through. since his sentencing he has not been given his testosterone, he has been forced to wear a bra even though he has had chest surgery and he has been kept alone 23 hours a day. i ache for him, because he is literally one of the sweetest men i have ever met. he offered his time to help others constantly. he is in prison because our “justice” system is no place for anyone on the margin. please stop bashing him and let him do the work of a great social worker, as he has always been. you too may someday have to defend yourself in a way that you never imagined. there but for the grace of…
By katy koonce on Oct 24, 2006
So Michael is a vegan and an animal rights activist? Does that in someway negate the fact that he took a life? Let’s remember, he choked a woman to death. He didn’t accidently push her in a moment of rage so that she fell and hit her head. He strangled the last breath out of her. The execution of such an act is one that takes many contemplative moments, not just one. That’s utter lack of control. I’m sorry that Michael’s family and friends are suffering, but what about Laura’s family? I wonder how Laura’s family is doing now? How is her parentless son getting along; her sister and brother; the friends that loved her? Poor Michael has to wear a bra now. What choices does Laura have today? In my opinion, if he wants to live as a man, he should be allowed. AND, if he chooses to do so, he should be sent to men’s prison to live amongst the other felonious male convicts. That’s the injustice that the transgendered community should be fighting; get Michael transferred to a men’s prison so that he can live as a man among the other murdurous men such as he. I cry foul that he and his supporters can justifiably argue that he should live as a man in women’s prison. If he wants to be a man, he should be in a men’s prison. Otherwise he should count his lucky f*#king stars, wear a bra and panties and be grateful to have been sentenced to 40 years with the gentler sex. There is no happy ending in this. Her hell ended in a few moments. Her family’s, and now his, goes on for years.
By Jen on Oct 27, 2006
jen is passing judgement based on what she has heard not based on any factual personal accounts. I am Terry’s family and I have suffered great loss, more than you can ever imagine. i do feel for Lauras family. The relationship was volitile to say the least but Jen doesn’t know the personal account of that fateful night. She doesn’t know what happened as we do and therefore cannot personally contribute or understand what is happening here. One thing is for sure There is no happy ending here for either of our families. I am very sorry for what happened and wish things had run a different course because the rest of the loved ones are here to pick up the pieces of a life that was of a wonderful person. I love Terry . I am proud to be Terry’s sister and will miss the love and warmth that filled this wonderful person.
By beth on Nov 9, 2006