A Milestone, Kinda
18.04.2006Last night I attended two back-to-back yoga practices. The first emphasizes postures held for three, four, five, sometimes even seven breathes. The second emphasizes a kind of "one-breath-one-movement" style of practice.
I am most comfortable with the first style of practice. Slow moving practice with eyes shut - that’s how I first learned yoga almost three years.
Moving yoga, also know as vinyasa, represents another set of challenges for me. Challenges I prefer to avoid.
I’m very weak side-to-side. Side body strength is necessary for the head and shoulder stands practiced in vinyasa style yoga. But there I was last night, on the mat, lumbering through push ups where I’m supposed to hold myself six inches above the ground for two or three breaths, then push through to down dog and jump through to a seated position.
Right. I’m not the strongest person in the world nor the most graceful. But I got onto my mat anyway. I’ve needed to push myself to that illusive next level in yoga for some time.
I learned two things about myself. I can do two classes back-to-back, a feat I could not have accomplished one year ago and moving meditation, which vinyasa most resembles, challenges me. No more than two breathes and I’m off somewhere in my head. Staying in my body, in any present moment represents a challenge unlike any I’ve known in my life.
The most influential factors I’ve experienced that induce a state of leaving the present moment or "the ultimate forgetting" (we induce children at an early age to leave the present moment. It’s part of the rearing process…)are :
Self-worth linked to accomplishments. [Look at my down dog. It's better than x's]
Relentless inner critic. [My downdog isn't perfect.]
Fear of losing control. [You want me to put my feet where?!?]
A strong demarcation between sacred time and secular time. [Staying present is for yoga class, not work.]
Lack of motivation to stay present. [Who wants to stay present at a shitty job?!]
And so I continue to practice.