Self-Organizing Man

1. 4 Responses to “Being Trans, Being Poor”

2. i love that brownfemipower writes:

   I think that we have to power as an internet community to make each other’s lives just a little bit easier…and all we have to do is share our stories.

   my own stories would fill volumes, but i’ll say that i have been both privileged (because i’m white and was male, and had great medical insurance for most of my life, and jobs that provided said insurance) and very lucky (because i transitioned in new jersey, a place where i found a great number of medical practioners who were willing to treat a trans woman - me - with respect and understanding).

   that said, my job, insurance and my location have changed since then. last year, i had to find a new gynecologist. while my gyno back east was extremely sensitive to my situation, i still found it difficult to expose myself so completely to another person - a total stranger. but she was really great, and helped me feel comfortable despite my nerves.

   i wish i could say the same about the doctor i saw here in arizona. not that she was insensitive, but i felt she wasn’t as sincere and interested in helping me feel comfortable. and i totally admit it may be my own discomfort about my trans-ness as a cause for this.

   and as an aside, i *still* get yearly reminders from my gyn back east to go in for an annual. i haven’t heard from the gyn here.

   since my insurance has yet changed again, i found myself in need of looking for a new doctor. i’m months past the time i should have had my annual exam. and frankly, i have little motivation to find a new doctor. many post-op trans women never go to a gynecologist, and i’m thinking that i may be joining their ranks.

   i do have a great gp - part of a medical group, a male gay doctor and a female lesbian nurse practioner - who treat a good many glbt people here in phoenix. perhaps at my next visit, i’ll ask about any positive experience they might have had with local gyn’s. right, perhaps.

   i also need to find a new dentist. i haven’t come out to any of the dentists i’ve seen since i transitioned. but the dental tech gets pretty close up when they’re doing their thing. it’s a pretty intimate situation even getting ones teeth cleaned (and i totally own up to my privilege of being in a position to get my teeth cleaned, as so many of my peers cannot).

   but all these thoughts, my own sense of shame, poor body image, internalized transphobia - the list goes on - that rake my brain every time i have to go to a doctor, despite the fact that i’ve really been very lucky so far.

   to further complicate matters, i know i should just suck it up and go to the doctor that my privilege affords me. but emotionally, somehow the fact that i have these privileges does little to ease my discomfort in allowing the doctors and their staffs into my personal space.

   By nexyjo on Sep 8, 2006

3. nexy,

   but all these thoughts, my own sense of shame, poor body image, internalized transphobia - the list goes on - that rake my brain every time i have to go to a doctor, despite the fact that i’ve really been very lucky so far.

   to further complicate matters, i know i should just suck it up and go to the doctor that my privilege affords me. but emotionally, somehow the fact that i have these privileges does little to ease my discomfort in allowing the doctors and their staffs into my personal space.

   This is beautiful rendering of the conundrum of privilege. I, too, am in a similar situation in terms of privilege and feel the same shame, fear, and loathing every time I have to work with a new medical person.

   I have sucking it up a total failure. Being kind to myself works better. Privilege doesn’t necessarily protect us from the wrath of the moment, you know what I mean?

   I have come to a place now where I don’t think of adequate healthcare coverage as a privilege so much as a right for all humans, a right we segregate for the privileged few.

   Access to this right doesn’t mean we will automatically treat ourselves better or more respectfully than those without this access to this right. Frankly, self-hate and internalized phobias have a funny way of superceding all privilege.

   Your words are difficult to talk about because there is a fine line between owning the complexities of our experiences and feelings and stuctural access and whining.

   In the end, I try to remind myself to use the access I have to keep myself strong and healthy so I can keep the door open for folks coming behind me…..

   By Jay on Sep 8, 2006

4. well said, jay.

   it’s interesting that you say “In the end, I try to remind myself to use the access I have to keep myself strong and healthy so I can keep the door open for folks coming behind me…..”

   i find myself feeling pressure to succeed in my transition because many other trans people have told me that my own story has inspired them. if i fail, i’ll feel that i’ve let them down.

   By nexyjo on Sep 9, 2006

5. Wow, what to write about such an intense topic! I was in the hospital for 5 days a week and a half ago. it ended on a monday when i got cortisone shots in my spine to ease swelling and unbearable pain. Got the bill today for the cortisone shots….$3000 dollars! can you believee? I was here for 20 minutes and it was $3,000! And my doc wants me to repeat the sequence so as to see if the first failure was a fluke. I think not.

   I have health insurance, but only disability income so the copays are killing me. I”ll pay $600 on that bill alone. I haven’t seen the hopsital bill or the dr bill or imagined the possible surgery bill. All i can say now is….t hank god for the pain pills or i would be dead and not worried about the money.

   By Ona on Sep 9, 2006

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