Self-Organizing Man

When People You Know Commit Suicide

May 15, 2007 – 4:27 pm

I received an email last week letting me know that Mark Karbusicky, Mirha-Soleil Ross’ boyfriend of ten years took his own life two weeks ago.

I met Mark about seven years or so ago, when my film Phallocy screened at the Toronto Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. He and Mirha were very supportive, and in the ensuing years, Mirha and I (and sometimes Mark) have run into each other in Chicago or Toronto. Mirha is a fierce transsexual activist, great artist and a laugh-out-loud funny woman.

My heartfelt condolences go out to Mirha and their friends and family.

Mirha has started a blog called Suicide Widows, using her email exchanges with Aimee Finley, whose lover of almost six years, transsexual artist Liam Hustins committed suicide about two and half years ago, to illuminate the process of grieving and solidarity for the widows of suicide.

Both Mirha and Aimee speak of the sense of worthlessness their lovers felt. As someone who has lived with some very bleak times, that bleakness is inextricably linked to feeling like the biggest piece of worthless tripe of the face of the earth. I still vividly recall one afternoon when I had really wanted to commit suicide but I simply had no energy to get up from my chair. Sloth became a virtue for me that day.

Suicide happens in our trannie/queer communities too often. Marcelle Cook-Daniels died as a result of suicide in 2000. There are others, I’m sure, that I do not know about. Please feel free to leave their names in the comments section of this post. Every one is a fallen warrior.

To attempt to live your life with dignity as an out queer and/or trans/sexual person can some days require every muscle in your heart and body to simply leave the house. The whys of suicide are complicated. What I have learned for myself is to try never to listen to those voices in my head that tell me I am worthless. They don’t have my best interests at heart.

For me, Mark’s death is a call to be a better friend and more present human being with the people I love. What we want more than anything in this lifetime is to be seen and heard and understand exactly as we are, with no efforts to fix us. Loving is that simple.

To Mirha and Mark and Aimee and Liam and Marcelle and every one touched by suicide, I bow to you.

Namaste.