Self-Organizing Man

Hacking Exercise

July 23, 2007 – 3:05 pm

Celebrating our bodies, we participate in a liberatory struggle that frees mind and heart

bell hooks 

Of the many shoulds I have in my life, exercising ranks as one of the top three.  Much of my self-understanding of myself as a man has come through adverts about perfect white male bodies. You know the kind I’m talking about ~ six pack abs; 4% body fat, etc.

With this unrealistic goal I also balance the very real thrill I do get, and have gotten, from exercise. But the act of going to the gym creates the sheer inertia of boredom within me. Then there are the total assclowns prancing around the weight room with spindly legs and overbulked biceps coupled with the women on the cardio machines who look like the last time they ate was when they got baby formula at six weeks of age to wither any desire to participate in gym life. Add to these bummerfactors m-e-m-b-e-r-s-h-i-p fees, the exercise plans where you have to work out 20 hours a day, and I’m really done.

So I’ve been on the hunt for a home-based practice that costs nothing. I turned to the inimitable Krista Scott-Dixon of Toronto, Canada. She is my go to feminist for all things weight and exercise related. (Quare Dewd recommended her last year.) Krista did not let me down!

Among her descriptions of her own home gym, she listed owning a sledgehammer for the shovelglove routine. Based on the idea that compound movements using a weighted object bring the greatest strength to the core area, you take a sledgehammer, wrap it a sweater to protect possessions and animals, then mimic strenous work activities like shoveling, chopping wood, or churning butter, holding the 8- or 12-pound sledgehammer. For 14 minutes only. Why? According to shovelglove originator Reinhard Engles,

You guessed it, 14 is a significant number. Why? Because it’s one minute less than the smallest unit of schedulistically significant time. No calendar has a finer granularity than 15 minutes. No one ever has a meeting that starts at 5 or 10 or 14 minutes before or after the hour. You have no excuse not to do this. Time-wise, it doesn’t even register.

I’m still sore today, and I’ve only done it for two days. My stomach, quads and hamstrings are all sore, which tells me that my core muscles, all the ones that hold me upright, protect my back, etc, are being worked. This is such a great anti-assclown work out! It’s cheap, easy, simple and will kick your arse. While I can’t say for sure, I think the shovelglove movements can be modified for folks using chairs and scooters, too.

This exercise thing is very important to me, since I am have alot of fears about aging in America. I also think one of the most liberatory acts in the face of systemic oppression is a healthy body. Getting a healthy body includes exercise and sensible nutrition (just drive by Taco Bell, okay?). One of the the things I dig most about both Reinhard Engels and Krista Scott-Dixon is their no-frills, no-BS, anti-assclownery approach to achieving a healthy body. Let me know if you decide to try the shovelglove. If the cost of a sledgehammer is too expensive or your house/apt/room is too small, no excuses! Bryce Lance has an entire workout using only your body. After trying his workouts, the shovelglove seems like a cake walk.