Archive for January, 2008
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
[1]
How many of us are overwhelmed by email?
I was. To reduce this feeling and and practice slowing down and reducing my stress, my goal is to contain my email [2]. Since last week I've checked personal email only twice a day and not at all on this past Saturday and Sunday. Considering I am a recovering crackberry addict, I'm pleased with my results. Now the hard part. What do I do with all my emails? Each time I'm at my inbox, I achieve inbox zero. That means there's nothing in the inbox when I click "log off." Here's how: 1. A process for dealing with emails ~ Do something with every email. You have four choices.
Respond.
Delete.
Delegate.
Delay.
Start at the top of your inbox and handle each email. If I can respond to the email in under two minutes, I do it right then. If not, I move it to a "delay" process that is essentially a daily tickler file. I realize this system will not work for all of you. It is purely my own, and I do not recommend it. Create whatever system works for you. Maybe David Allen's system works or your Grandma's does. Create it. Use it. Stick to it. If I can't respond to the email in two minutes, I delay it until I have time to answer it. Sometimes that means I must make answering that email one of my two Most Important Tasks (MITs) of the day. Like yesterday I spent about 20 minutes responding to our lawyer's questions about our new contract. 2. The five sentence response ~ How many emails do you receive that you feel will require thought, deliberation and at least an hour to respond to? I've been there. Email is one form of communication. You are not obligated to respond with a short story to anyone's email. Frankly, if you do believe that is required, your response merits a phone call. How old school! You say. How 70s! Believe me, people are relieved to actually talk to another human being. Instead, practice the five sentence email response [3]. That's it. Respond to every email in five sentences or less. Don't waste your time or anybody else's either. If I can't say what I need to say in five sentences, I need to be making that phone call. 3. Don't incur what you don't have to ~ I've stopped all those email reminders. From Google, Facebook, online banks, all of them. Turned them off. I've also started unsubscribing from newsletters. Makes deleting emails short and sweet. In this game of life, it's all about attention. Without attention, we have little time. I can say that containing my email has been one of the most productive and edifying choices I've ever made in my life. It may prove to be so for you, too. Good luck. May the force be with you.
[1] http://jaysennett.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/afraid-to-give-up-busy.JPG
[2] http://jaysennett.com/2008/01/02/3-tools-for-slowing-down/
[3] http://www.mikeindustries.com/blog/archive/2007/07/fight-email-overload-with-sentences
Posted in Cartoons, The Good Life | No Comments »
Friday, January 4th, 2008
I believe that men can and do benefit from the subjection of women. What interests me is how it is that men remain silent in the face of their daughters or sisters abuse. Setting aside the sure percentage of men who think women deserve it, I wonder if the group of men who may want to intervene don’t intervene because they are afraid they will get beat up, too.
The times when I have confronted bullies, I’ve been terrified. Maybe he’ll come after me, too, I think. Male violence works to keep us all in place, perpetrators and victims alike. But letting another man beat up a woman won't keep us safe. It just delays the more than likely chance that we may be victimized by another man.
But this reality should not keep us from working to end male violence. Why does work around ending domestic violence address helping the victim, with no collective, ongoing, state and federally funded response for abusers? Many men agree that rape and domestic violence are wrong. Sitting around, though, and doing nothing or attributing this behavior to some misguided notions of evolutionary biology sends the strong message to women and these abusive men that we are totally down with what you are doing….And I’m glad it’s not me you’re beating up.
Ending violence against women is an excellent place to begin the work of dismantling violence. But we should also be working to end bullying schools, homophobia and corporal punishment as a way of dealing with bad boys. Our own well-being depends on it.
Posted in Features, Self-Organizing Men | 1 Comment »
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
Thursdays are Bespoke, where I share my interests in hand-made clothing, traditional menswear, the history of masculine dress, men's fashion and what clothing and style means for me as a white transsexual man.
For some time now I have been in the market for a bespoke jacket. I wanted a jacket since suit-wearing is not something I do very often here in Ann Arbor.
The jacket need to reflect my sense of myself as a part-of-yet-apart-from white male dress. White male dress is defined by me as wrinkled khakis or jeans, sneakers, and some kind of button-down wrinkled shirt. Knowing what I want and going for it are two entirely different actions. I had made appointments with a few tailors, only to cancel them. Fear shot through me. The cost did not throw me so much as entering into a space that has been defined as entirely male for more than three hundred years.
But I kept at it, until one day I was perusing the boards at The London Lounge [1] and saw a picture of a different jacket tailored by Mr. Richard Anderson of Richard Anderson, Ltd [2]. I clicked on casual coats and saw the above picture and knew in an instant fell fast and hard.
I emailed Richard Anderson and received an almost instantaneous reply from Mr. Brian Lishak, Richard Anderson’s business partner. We discussed particulars, and I then set up an appointment for September 2006. I drove to Chicago, met with Richard, who spent two hours with me discussing the ins and outs of Savile Row, bespoke clothing, and what sets Richard Anderson apart.
The one button stance (the stance describes how buttons a coat/jacket stands with) is one of its unique features. “Nothing extraneous,” said Brian. I agree. But as I had gone mad cotton/cashmere/courdoroy material that creates the jacket, I had to go with four buttons!
After much deliberation I chose light blue with a hot pink lining. “Lovely,” declared Mr. Lishak. His obvious appreciation is one of the many reasons I love Savile Row. A man can actually wear a hot pink lining in his jacket and receive appreciation in response.
I’ll returned for my first paper fitting in late January 2007 and another fitting in June. I was unable to attend a final fitting in October. I've emailed Mr. Lishak in the hopes that they can drop ship the jacket to me before his next visit to Chicago. I shall keep you posted.
[1] http://www.thelondonlounge.net
[2] http://www.richardandersonltd.com/index.php
Posted in A Bespoke Body, Features | No Comments »
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
So I lied. Kind of. While I stated that loving myself is my top resolution for 2008 [1], I confess to having one more: to slow down.
I've become all-too aware of how much I have let busyness rule my life. This realization provided me with motivation to do less in 2008 [2]. One way to begin the process of doing less is to slow down.
I've found three tools that I will be (and already have started) using in order to slow down, really, really slow.
1. Contain the Email ~ I'm only checking personal email once a day. I can't conceive of anything arriving in my inbox that requires me an immediate answer. I resolutely did not check my personal email before lunch. As I listened to the iPod and walked around campus taking in the beautiful, winter snowscape, a little voice kept urging me to check my email when I get back! Check my email when I get back. Why? To distract myself. One of the reasons I'm slowing down is to see how distracted I really am.
2. Stop Multitasking ~ Do you read blogs while you eat lunch? Answer email while you're on the phone? Chow down on popcorn, M&Ms and other junk food while watching television? I do. And I'm vowing not to this year. Today I ate my lunch, slowly, one bit at a time. It took me about 25 minutes to do it. Usually I wolf down my food in under 10 minutes. By slowing down, I think I'm going to learn that I eat more than I really need to and most of what I read I don't remember. I'm not really reading it in the first place, just filling up the time waiting for that All Important Big Thing to happen. Meanwhile, life zooms on by.
3. Focus on Breathing ~ As I walked, I focused on feeling both my inhalation and expiration. Sounds easy. But try sitting in a favorite chair and focus only on this: breathe in, breathe out. If, like me, you are a thinking and feeling human being, in less than one expiration, the monkey mind sets in, screaming "go," "move," "do something now!!!" Just keep breathing.
One of the most important reasons for me to slow down is that I want to address a persistent feeling of unhappiness I've had throughout 2007. I can most accurately characterize it as a lack of gratitude. A lack of gratitude arises because I'm not paying attention. I'm not paying attention because I'm moving too quickly, multi-tasking, etc. Thus, slowing down may be a ticket to more joy.
What other tools do you use to slow down?
[1] http://jaysennett.com/2008/01/01/new-years-resolution-2008/
[2] http://jaysennett.com/2007/12/31/5-powerful-reasons-to-do-less-in-2008/
Posted in Features, The Good Life | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
I vow to accept my most hated and imperfect body to fullest extend possible, knowing that radical self-acceptance ~ not in any kind of cheesy self-improvement model promoted by the diet industries ~ is the foundation of all transformative revolutions.
In achieving a bespoke body, my mind is still the number place where acceptance of my imperfect body begins.
There are two reasons to work towards self-acceptance.
1. Others Become More Fabulous ~ Greater self-acceptance leads to greater acceptance of others. Try it. See for yourself. If it doesn't work, you can always go back to self-loathing and the federal-express-straight-to-hell lifestyle offered by it.
2. You Become More Fabulous ~ The hippest, happiest people really like and accept themselves. They understand that they won't always be happy, that happiness is transitory. But they understand that self-acceptance can be inviolate and absolute; that their bodies are what they are: unique and wonderful. And that is very sexy. I would venture to say that the greater the self-acceptance, the sexier you will appear, which will lead to more sex, money, whatever you want. Again, try it. I am.
If it, like no. 1, does not work, I'm going back to feeling contemptible and acting shamefully. Otherwise, I'm working for a greater good in myself and towards others.
Namaste and Happy New Year to Everyone
Posted in A Bespoke Body, Features | 3 Comments »
