After 13 years of being on hormones, I’m still shocked that people don’t understand that asking us transgender and transsexual people which pronouns we prefer makes us very happy.
It’s simple and easy. “Hi, can you let me know which pronouns you prefer?”
If you do that, I can guarantee you that you will win the adoration of said trans person. Plus you will immediately distinguish yourself as a number one winner, different from so many other folks who simple can’t or won’t ask.
Remember, don’t be an american’t. Be an american.
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From my perspective, if I am dressed to the nines, my hair is done up nice, I have modest yet attractive earrings – in short – my presentation is fashionably female, and as I walk into the party why should anyone have to ask what form of pronouns I prefer? Even if I am wearing jeans, a low cut top, that shows a bit of my cleavage, again my makeup and hair are appropriate to my dress and demeanor, sandals with a pedicure and nail polish, shaved legs, why should anyone ask me which pronouns to use?
I think that it should be really apparent that you go by the way the person presents. I have seen some very masculine females of natal origin that look more masculine than I ever did, yet there is no confusion as to how to address them! Taking the fact that I dress and present totally female, and my voice registers in the female range, shouldn’t that be enough clues as to how I prefer to be addressed? (BTW…All of my gender markings on all of my documents state “F”) Wink-wink, nudge-nudge. How do you address any other woman/man you meet? Do you have to ask how they prefer to be addressed in the second or third person?
Hi,
Thanks for commenting.
While it may seem obvious that one should go by the pronouns that match their presentation, it isn’t that obvious.
Two of the contributors to Visible: A Femmethology both present as female but use zie and hir as their preferred pronouns.
That’s why I believe it is best to ask. Naming, which happens to some degree with pronouns, is a different from presentation.
Unless I know for sure, I tend to refer to people in the third person. It’s a habit I developed as a way to avoid foot-in-mouth syndrome.
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