Men Fearing Other Men
By Jay | May 23, 2007
I read brownfemipower’s insightful piece about how families can contribute to making a domestic violence situation worse.
In response to a sense from some commenters that only a slim chance exists for male abusers to change, I noted a conclusion I had made as I learned to become a man.
I tend to agree except sometimes I see first hand bellicose men will fall to their knees when the cops arrive, begging and saying “yes, sir” etc. Why men like this don’t change is that we as a society of men dominating women don’t care to see these men change…maybe because we’re afraid too seeing I don’t know.
What I do know, and something that was one of the most difficult things for me to learn as man was what I call the “leaping attack.” What is this: Men tend nudge each other and try to assert their dominance by stares, snarks, etc. Sometimes they just plain try to muscle their way around. So what I’ve had to learn is to raise my voice to a roar, step right into their space and say, “what of it motherfucker!?!” 100 percent of the time every man who has hassled me has backed down. It helps that I’m 6′2″ but attitude has everything to do with it. I’ve also adopted this approach on the phone.
I believe that men can and do benefit from the subjection of women. What interests me is how it is that men remain silent in the face of their daughters or sisters abuse. Setting aside the sure percentage of men who think women deserve it, I wonder if the group of men who may want to intervene don’t intervene because they are afraid they will get beat up, too.
The times when I have confronted bullies, I’ve been terrified. Maybe he’ll come after me, too. Male violence works to keep us all in place, perpetrators and victims alike.
But this reality does not keep us from working to end male violence. Why does work around ending domestic violence address helping the victim, with no collective, ongoing, state and federally funded response for abusers. Many men agree that rape and domestic violence are wrong. Sitting around, though, and doing nothing or attributing this behavior to some misguided notions of evolutionary biology sends the strong message to women and these abusive men <i>We are totally down with what you are doing….And I’m glad it’s not me you’re beating up.</i>
What do you all think? How much does fear keep us from doing this important work?
Topics: Domestic Violence, Male Violence | No Comments »
Homophobia and Misogyny
By Jay | April 30, 2007
Terrance at the Republic of T. has by far one of the best essays about the shootings at Virginia Tech I have so far read. Homophobia played a key feature in the lives of several school shooters, who were bullied by their peers with fists and taunts of “faggot.”
We underestimate the role homophobia plays in misogyny at our own risk. How many more people will need to die in this country before we institute anti-bullying practices in all parts of our lives? How many more people will die before more men work to end bullying?
Read all of Terrance’s article here.
Topics: School Shootings, Homophobia, Masculinity | No Comments »
Problems With Contemporary American Masculinity
By Jay | April 24, 2007
From the Media Education Foundation, Tough Guise: Violence, Media & The Crisis in Masculinity.
Some of the major problems in American society - especially those connected with violence - can be looked upon as problems with contemporary American masculinity.
One of the points Jackson Katz makes: the overwhelming majority of victims of male violence are other men. That we both dole out and receive violence to and from each other like the sun rises is one of the keystones of masculinity. As men we must work to end male violence against women and girls, men and boys.
Another point: Media representations of men of color in traditional US media depict men-of-color as violent, overwhelmingly so. That a man of color perpretated the violence upon the people of Virginia Tech isn’t suprising to me giving the overwhelming stereotype of Asian men in the media as violent.
Lastly, I’m not sure I think we’re having a crisis of masculinity so much as an acknowledgement, finally, that current constructions are, at their core, violent.
Topics: Media, Masculinity | 1 Comment »
My Letter to La Quinta
By Jay | April 16, 2007
Here is the email I sent to La Quinta:
Last night I saw your advertisement containing this verbiage: “Your wife is escorted off the plane.” This text was followed by “You get the window seat.”
Is La Quinta suggesting that their core customer is an idiot man who relishes in the fact that his wife has been escorted off the plane? Or that he is so impotent the only way he can get the window seat is if “Mommy” is gone?
This advertisement is very, very, very offensive to me as a man and a husband. In fact, it is so offensive, I will never stay at La Quinta.
I care too much about my wife, our marriage, and myself as a man to stoop to your level.
Topics: Stupid Masculinity, Feminism, Masculinity | No Comments »
Ridiculous Advertisements About Men
By Jay | April 16, 2007
One of my peeves are the numerous advertisements depicting men as idiots. Unlike my conservative counterparts, I do not blame feminism for this trend. Rather advertisers seem to have concluded that men-as-children sells product.
The latest, and by far one of the most offensive to date, depicts an airplace leaving the runway. “Your wife was escorted off the plane.”
Then we see a dolphin leaping up. “Now you get a window seat” fades up, then La Quinta tells us how great they are.
WTF! Chalk this one up to what I call Stupid Masculinity.
Mean-spirited and sad. Sad because all the men complaining about feminism won’t bother to send La Quinta a letter telling them how offensive their ad is.
But I am. I’ll keep you posted on any responses.
Topics: Stupid Masculinity, Advertising, Feminism | 8 Comments »
My Book Debuts in Sydney, Australia
By Jay | April 10, 2007
On April 18 Self-Organizing Men will debut in Sydney, Australia at Black Rose (where “A” is on the map) books!
Topics: Self-Organizing Men | No Comments »
Random Thoughts on Forge Forward 2007
By Jay | April 3, 2007
In no particular order, I’ve written down my thoughts and feelings about masculinity after attending the Forge Forward 2007 conference:
- White privilege remains entrenched within white trans male space.
- In the privilege workshop I attended, several white trans men expressed ambivalence about owning their privilege.
- When they did own it, they apologized for it.
- Male privilege doesn’t feel like much when you are a very slight, femme-y, trans guy who gets gay-based…alot.
- Male privilege seems harder to understand in the absence of understanding race privilege.
- Even if genders disappeared tomorrow, we would still have to address race hatred and ableism.
- Several trans men have become even stronger feminists and anti-racists activists since transition and want to use their newly found privilege to work within their various communities to dismantle sexism, racism, homophobia.
- The ways in which white trans folks characterize solutions to our problems can sometimes exclude people-of-color on principle.
- Unless we begin to understand and acknowledge how our lives are diminished by white supremacy, ableism, and classism, our lives - but more importantly the lives of our future children - will irrevocably diminish.
Topics: White Privilege, Forge Forward 2007, Feminism, Masculinity | No Comments »
Self-Organizing Men for 9.99
By Jay | January 14, 2007
This year is the Year of the Pig in the Chinese astrological calendar. In honor of the pig’s jovial qualities, I’m offering Self-Organizing Men for 9.99 plus shipping. Just click on the link below.
Done! Thank you to everyone who purchased the book.
Topics: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
A Poem from a Reader
By Jay | January 11, 2007
Self-Organizing Men inspired Rich Tolman to write the following poem. He has graciously allowed me to reprint it in its entirety.
My voice is changing again…
I’m a Bar Mitzvah boy.
Two weeks shy of thirteen.
Performing for the first time
Before family, friends, a congregation of witnesses
Go ahead Bar Mitzvah Boy.
Read ancient script-with no vowels-from a sheepskin parchment
Sing ancient chants- in a foreign tongue –with obscure melodies.
Wrestle modern truth-words of wisdom- from the cryptic text.
Lead the congregation.
Become a man.
Is this right of passage ordeal enough?
No-
Schedule the performance at the precise moment puberty courses through my body
Rub my throat with sandpaper,
Grab my vocal cords and yank them down to my gonads,
Go ahead.
Transform my reedy grade school soprano into a croaky, cracky junior high rasp.
Go ahead Bar Mitzvah Boy. Sing. Become a man.
Okay.
My voice is changing— but sing I must.
Speak I will.
About forgiving debts-freeing slaves-jubilee year
Justice-the sweetest lesson decoded from the ancient letters.
Years pass.
Wife and daughters provide reminders enough
Yet my voice overdeepens still.
Privilege, power, position give me the pulpit of everyday life.
Hey Professor.
Listen to the voices of these poets.
Listen to tales of misuse and abuse by callous misguided boys
Listen to cries of kids cowering from fists of raging fathers
Listen to young women who grew up kicking soccer balls
Their words can kick the ass off comfortable complacency
Listen hard Professor.
Listen to men trying to love men without getting their asses kicked.
Absorb the surge of hormones from brave m to f bodies
Transitioning in the face of homicidal terror
Embrace the transman- becoming a man he is transforming manhood-
Reminding me to get out of the box,
Teaching me to turn it over
And stand on it
and Shout.
Listen to the voices-real, honest, raw
Now, Mr. Professor
Go ahead, Speak.
My voice is changing again.
unbecoming, rebecoming, ever becoming a man.
Topics: Feminism, Jewish, Poetry, Masculinity, Self-Organizing Men | 3 Comments »
Call for Submissions: Beyond Masculinity
By Jay | January 10, 2007
1. SEEKING ESSAY SUBMISSIONS BY QUEER MEN ON GENDER AND POLITICS
BEYOND MASCULINITY:
Essays by Queer Men on Gender and Politics
http://www.beyondmasculinity.com
CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS:
Gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer men’s gender identities often exist
somewhere outside the traditional categories of “masculine” and
“feminine.” Sissies, drag queens, and leather daddies alike play with
gender in a way that cannot be accounted for in traditional understandings
of maleness. This collection — part blog, part anthology, part audiobook
– aims to shatter traditional understandings of maleness and point
towards a new understanding of how queerness and gender intersect.
***DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS IS MARCH 31, 2007***
Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: Masculinity | No Comments »
